Determine to Change Hearts.

"I don't like such-and-such about my spouse to be, but when we get married I'll change him/her." This statement almost makes me chuckle a little, but it definitely is something that makes you worry about this couple and their future together. How detrimental it would be, to your self-image and to the level of trust you have in your spouse, if you knew that they had the intentions of changing who you are and the way you do things as soon as you seal the deal. Having this sort of mind-set does not bring happiness or marital satisfaction to either of the spouses.

Many people think that they will be HAPPY if they can change their spouse. However, the research shows that this is an incorrect way of thinking. Looking at the things that you want to change about your partner can only bring disappointment and frustration, and let's face it, it will create even more of that negativity between the two of you. This study has shown that for couples who are well on their way down the path to divorce have 10 areas of difference and disagreement in their marriage. It also shows that happily married couples have 10 areas of difference and disagreement. Wait, what? That's right, they both have the same amount of difference between the two of them. So then what is the difference between the HAPPY couples and the unhappy couples? The HAPPY couples accept and accommodate. The unhappy couples reject and refute. The HAPPY support and strengthen. The unhappy degrade and devalue. There is an obvious difference between the two and the way they see and treat one another.

The funny thing is, I don't know of a single person who is not already aware of their own faults; come on, they're the easy ones to pick out. Your partner, or anyone for that matter, will not be inspired to change and be better when all they can focus on are their bad qualities being pointed out to them. The qualities that people need help to see, and to be aware of in themselves, are their good qualities, the qualities that make them stand out as an individual, and the traits that make the person easy to love. For some reason, these good characteristics can be hard to point out to yourself. Tell people about their strengths, and those are the things that will become augmented in their lives and in their relationships. This helps people feel accepted and loved, and that they are a person of worth.

To go along with this, it is incredibly important to be grateful. Let your spouse know that you are grateful for them. Let your friends and family know you appreciate them.

Couples who show gratitude are happier.

When a person looks for things to be grateful for, they actually appreciate those things more. It's kind of like circular causality: If you are grateful, say thank you, and if you would like to feel more gratitude, begin by saying thank you. It will be helpful to yourself and to your spouse, and to the relationship in general.

These are the things of a HAPPY life, whether you are married or single, young or old, male or female: Gratitude, acceptance, encouragement, love, personal peace, respect, forgiveness, understanding. Let your family and friends know you feel these things for them, because you do, even if it is covered up by negativity and doubt. Throw that negativity out as fast as you possibly can, and begin to feel true joy.

Let's discontinue focusing on changing our loved ones, and instead determine to change hearts.

Determine to change hearts.

Now go, and allow yourself to be HAPPY.