Increase the Light.

Every one of us has been on the receiving side and the sending side of a biting remark. And while we may feel like the person deserved our caustic comment, it never leaves us feeling good; not about them or ourselves or the situation as a whole. What is even more sad is that it has become the norm in our society to grow up believing that we must treat strangers with extreme respect, but that it is acceptable to treat the people we love the most in a demeaning way. Do you see anything wrong with this trend? We live with the people who know us the best, who love us the most, who want the best for us, and it is alright to treat them with disdain? Something needs to change. I have experienced this first hand, and it is not something that I am proud to say I was a part of.

When I was younger and living at home, all of my siblings had moved out of the house accept for my younger brother and me. I am not sure how, but he knew exactly what to say and what to do to get under my skin. And I'll admit, I was not a patient older sister, and, yes, we had some intense brawls. I would say things that I would never say to anyone else. I was demeaning and belittling. I would not make time for him or give him the loving attention that any brother desperately needs from his older sister. So I would fight him and wonder why he couldn't just leave me alone to live my sad existence. It came to me after one of our especially intense arguments. I was in my room, and I was fuming. What was his deal, anyway? After I had cried and screamed, I eventually began to calm down. While laying on my bed, I began to think. I thought about my little brother. My good little brother, Ben. I thought about my older brothers and sister and how much I admire them and watch for their example that I can follow. I thought about the things I had said to Ben. Then I thought about my role as an older sister and how much Ben must look up to me and respect me. It hit me that I was very undeserving of his respect and admiration. How my words and actions of insolence must cut and carve at his little self-image. How biting and bruising to his sense of worth. How could I do such things to his child-like heart; I'm sure I had broken it more than once. But he kept coming back to me. He kept returning, searching for my affection. I couldn't bear to think that I could do such a thing to my own little brother, who I should be protecting and teaching and loving. This was the first time I had thought about the effect that my words were having on him, and I was disgusted by what I had let slide out of my mouth. At that very moment, I decided to change. I wanted to build, not break. I want to uplift, not tear down.

From that moment on, I tried to do those things. I wanted to do them for Ben. I tried to stop thinking about my inconveniences and my desires, and focus more on being a good sister. Our relationship has grown immensely since then. I still am so amazed at his forgiving sprit. To this day, when I hear the story of Christ being asked how many times should we forgive and he said seventy times seven, I think of Ben. My actions and my words have changed our relationship. I can't even describe how much I love and respect Ben. I am so grateful that he stayed by me, that he never gave up on me.

I love the verses in Ephesians 4:26-27, 29-32. They mention the kinds of words we should use and the manor in which we should use them.

"[Can ye be] angry, and sin not: let not the sun go down upon your wrath:

"Neither give place to the devil. . . .

"Let no corrupt [tainted, impure, demeaning, manipulative] communication proceed out of your mouth, but that which is good to the use of edifying, that it may minister grace unto the hearers.

"And grieve not the holy Spirit of God, whereby ye are sealed unto the day of redemption.

"Let all bitterness, and wrath, and anger, and clamour, and evil speaking, be put away from you, with all malice:

"And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ’s sake hath forgiven you."

Words effect others more than we can know. It is better to think before we lash out with out words, to give people the benefit of the doubt, and to try to see things from others' points of views. We will never regret responding with a kind word, but will always regret the critical response.

I just heard a quote from Mother Teresa that I loved. She said,

"Words which do not give the light of Christ increase the darkness."

 

I don't know about you guys, but I am tired of increasing the darkness. No one will benefit from that. I will think about the repercussions that my words could have before I say them, and I will get into the habit of lifting, complementing, and loving. Doing this won't only give others the confidence they deserve, but it will also give me the strength that I need and want.

 

Choose to increase the light.